My Beautiful Mess

In his book Jesus On Trial, David Limbaugh describes some of the seemingly counterintuitive paradoxes of Christianity that, upon deep reflection, force us to grasp concepts better than we would have if they had been presented in straightforward terms.  He writes, "If...all biblical truth were completely straightforward and comprehensible without the necessity to think deeply about it, we wouldn't learn the principles as thoroughly or grow as much." (p.67)

One of these paradoxes can be found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.  It is the concept that we are made stronger by our weaknesses.  After asking God to remove a difficulty in his life, Paul wrote that God denied his request, saying to him, "My grace is enough for you, because power is made perfect in weakness." (CEV)  A related concept found in James 1:2 is that we will find joy in our suffering.  James wrote, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." (NIV)  Now what is this all about?  At first glance, we might wonder if James was smoking something... 

I've been hesitant to write about the things happening in my life over the last few months because I've wanted to avoid two things: 1) People interpreting my writing as an attempt to elicit sympathy, and 2) the temptation to become and the perception of being completely self-absorbed.  Neither of these things is appealing to me.  However, it has also occurred to me that if I share what my husband and I have been through and what God has done, others might be encouraged, or perhaps gain some insight as to the treasure that could be hidden inside the difficulties of life.  So here goes...

A few months ago, my husband's health took a confusing turn for the worse, so much so that he was unable to work.  There was a trip to the ER, followed by many tests and doctor appointments, with no answers readily forthcoming.  He now has a documented breathing disability, has had and is recovering from a minor surgery, and is ready to return to work, but cannot for complicated reasons that have to do with his employer.  Did I mention that all this has taken place while my house is in the middle of major renovations?  This situation has had many ramifications, including stress for everyone, health implications, financial implications (medical bills plus loss of income), career implications, anxiety, frustration, depression, changes in roles and schedules, and so on.  It sounds a little bleak, doesn't it?  As I write this, we still don't know if my husband will be able to return to a paid position with his present employer or if his job there is essentially over.  We will celebrate our 20th anniversary on Christmas Eve, probably with many questions still unanswered.

But as my husband and I have reflected back over the last four months, we've found we're profoundly grateful and, dare I say it?  Cheerful?  Even joyful?  Oh, I won't deny there have been other emotions along the way: anger, confusion, frustration, sadness, even grief.  But something else crazy happened along the way.  We began to examine our lives, the choices we were making, and the long-term effects of those choices.  We began to regularly take one another's hands and pray, baring our souls to one another, and taking our concerns and questions to God.  And God began to show us things.  Things we could change to make things better.  Things that were beyond our control that humbled us.  And blessings that we didn't realize we possessed until we faced these difficulties.  We realized that we were growing closer to one another and more appreciative of each other, as well as the people and the many good things in our lives.  And we were depending more on God.  And then God did something awesome for us:  He restored our sense of humor.  We intentionally began looking for the lighter side of things, and we began laughing more.  And finally, we came to the realization that this is season in our lives, a season with a purpose, and a season that will pass, but God's love is and always will be unchanged.  He is there for us always, through thick and thin, and we will be there for each other through this season and beyond.

So as I approach the end of the year and my 20th anniversary, I can say paradoxically that this has been the most awesome year, and I am so profoundly grateful for every difficulty and challenge that has happened in the last few months!  For they have shown me where my treasure lies.  It lies in my relationship with the Almighty, All-knowing Creator who loves me and wants the best for me even when it hurts, and it lies in the relationships I have with my spouse, my children, my family, and my friends.  The rest is just icing on the cake.  Life is better than good.  Life is a beautiful mess in the Master's hands, and I'm not afraid to share it with you!  Song writer Ellie Holcomb says it eloquently:

The Broken Beautiful

I know that I don't bring a lot to the table
Just little pieces of a broken heart
There's days I wonder if You'll still be faithful
Hold me together when I fall apart?
Would You remind me now of who You are?

That Your love will never change,
that there's healing in your name
That You can take broken things,
and make them beautiful

You took my shame
And You walked out of the grave
So Your love can take broken things
and make them beautiful

I'm better off when I begin to remember
How You have met me in my deepest pain
So give me glimpses now of how You have covered
All of my heart ache, oh with all Your grace
Remind me now that You can make a way

That Your love will never change,
that there's healing in your name
That You can take broken things,
and make them beautiful
You took my shame
And You walked out of the grave
So Your love can take broken things
and make them beautiful

You say that You'll turn my weeping into dancing
Remove my sadness & cover me with joy
You say your scars are the evidence of healing
That You can make the broken beautiful

You make us beautiful, oh oh
You make us beautiful

I can identify with Paul's paradoxical sentiments in 2 Corintians 12:9-10 (CEV):

He said to me, "My grace is enough for you, because power is made perfect in weakness."  So I'll gladly spend my time bragging about my weaknesses so that Christ's power can rest on me.  Therefore, I'm all right with weaknesses, insults, disasters, harrassments, and stressful situations for the sake of Christ, because when I'm weak, then I'm strong.  
...because of Him.